Ok seriously, why do pigeons exist? I don't see that they serve any function other than shitting on everything and being assholes.
These head bobbing cooers have had their way for far too long. And I know what you're thinking. But Ted, they're cute! They're not really harming anyone. Oh yeah? Are you this lady???:
That's what you get for loving pigeons: being covered in pigeon shit. And a budgeted amount of money for seed or bread. I get the draw, it's a novelty. 'Ooohh!! Let's feed the birds!' But only one or two days out of a year am I ever struck with "hey I should totally feed this pigeon" EVER. And that is rare. Because pigeons suck. Pigeons are like rats with wings. They aren't glamorous like eagles or functional like pelicans, they just suck. They sit around on train platforms, they shit on everything, and wait before the last possible second that you're walking by to fly at your face. Some of these idiots don't even get the clue to fly south for the winter, and then you have a bunch of asshole pigeons burrowing their heads in their shoulders taking up room underneath the heat lamps on the train platform. MOVE PIGEON! I'M COLD!
The only good thing a pigeon has ever done was shit directly on my friend from SCAD Bailey Poteat's head on two separate occasions right outside of the Chevron gas station which was totally hilarious because the second time it was like deja vu.
But otherwise these damned birds are totally useless and I am confused about their existance.
I mean, what is with the high intensity flapping only directly at my face causing me to spaz out in the middle of the downtown Loop area and screaming "PIGEON!!!" really loud while curling up into a ball on the sidewalk and then I look like an IDIOT. Ok, I'm scared of pigeons.
But really some of these pigeons are scary. Like how do you know a nice pigeon from an asshole pigeon? The one with the eye patch and the peg leg? A lot of these birds have lost legs because everywhere on the train platforms there's spikes along the edges so that pigeons won't shit all over everything. But is this a rebel thing? Like you do NOT want to fuck with that one legged pigeon. He has half a wing and one leg and it is bionic. With a laser eye. But seriously sometimes these piegons give me eyes like they want to kill me. And it's not cool.
To sum things up, I hate pigeons, and I would be fine if they all flew south. And then died.
1 comment:
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/07/does-pigeon-mea/
"Passenger pigeons were hunted to extinction because they were a popular food in the great cities of Restoration-era America."
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