It's Christmas, so I'm going to rant about Lifetime.

I'm writing a blog on Christmas Eve, and instead of talking about something Christmas related, I'm going to delve slightly into my hatred for the Lifetime Channel.

My mom's favorite channel is the Lifetime Network. A channel devoted to women and movies made for women. Most of the time this means chick flicks. And not ones that we see in movie theatres, oh no, but straight to cable. And while the plot lines may be interesting (to chicks), a lot of the time the script and acting suffers, by which I mean these are the worst movies ever created. I'm going to keep this light because I know my mom will read this, but I have not been silent in my loathing of this channel over the years. I have often had to excuse myself from the room to avoid doing anything violent while watching these movies, and I have often said in my adult years (still waiting for this to happen) if possible I would pay whatever amount I could to block the Lifetime Channel from my service package. As far as the Lifetime Channel goes, I thought it couldn't get worse.

But I was wrong. Lifetime has now pulled an HBO and has like three different crappy channels to choose from. The Lifetime Channel, The Lifetime Movie Network, and Lifetime: Real Women. Which to choose? A thrilling drama about a woman who had her baby stolen from a grocery store? A gripping thriller about a woman whose baby was kidnapped by her crazy ex husband? Or an episode of The Nanny? HOW?! HOW CAN I DECIDE?! HOW I ASK YOU!!!!

The particular movie that sent me into a fit of rage necessary to write this blog was a real holiday gem entitled, "On strike for Christmas." Well, apparently the writers on this masterpiece were on strike themselves, as well as the casting directors and anyone who knows anything about anything. The best part about all of this is that I only saw the last five minutes. First of all, the youngest "grandmother" I've ever seen says something sentimental to the mother of this family that was on strike or something stupid and then says, "that's my daughter!" But the only way that this woman could ever possibly have birthed this "mom" character is if she'd hopped in a vehicle with a Flux Capacitor, traveled back in time, and gotten knocked up when she was like 13, and EVEN THEN it would still be confusing as to why this young looking woman with white hair had somehow aged slower than her daughter. WHERE ARE THE OLD PEOPLE?! I'm sure there are a bunch of grandmother aged actresses who saw this and felt screwed.

THEN! this impossible granny joins the husband and the two douchey looking sons in the living room for a good ol' fashioned game of Rock Band. She picks up some drums and plops down on the couch. The father and the sons stand together in the middle of the room, the former holding a microphone and the rest holding their respective Rock Band guitars, and it looks like they are going to cheer the mother up by saying something sentimental, and then ignoring her and jamming out to "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey. BUT.....wait for it.....THEY JUST START PLAYING ROCK BAND WITHOUT A TV!!!!! AND ITS SOME RANDOM ASSED CHRISTMAS SONG TO CHEER UP THE MOM!!! AND THE YOUNG OLD LADY IS GOING NUTS ON THE DRUM SOLOS!!! HAVE I GONE INSANE!?!?!

Some writer or director OR SOMEONE on the set couldn't speak up and say, "um....that's not really how Rock Band works...."?! Who wrote this?! Some old woman who knew her grandchild liked that new game or whoosamawhatchacallit Rock somethingorruther? I dunno, there's instruments! That would be a nice ending, and it would really get the youngsters going! HEY WHOEVER OLD OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY PERSON WROTE THIS, EAT A WERTHER'S ORIGINAL AND GO TO BED!!! Because adults are watching and we know things like you can't just play Rock Band and have it create music without a GAME SYSTEM EVEN PLUGGED IN!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I actually love Werther's Originals.

Also I just found this, so I know I am not alone: http://www.shitthatsannoying.com/lifetime-movie-network/